The Good, the Sonic and the Mentally Insane

Folks, SEGA has committed a number of traversities on the Sonic series ever since they selected him to be a Hedgehog and not a mustached sleeping man. Urkel for a voice actor, partnered with a two-tailed fox, coping off the Dragon Balls with Chaos Emeralds, A Minnie Mouse-like girlfriend, A total grouch of an Echidna, a Gun-toting Hedgehog, A kissing scene that can't hold as much water as Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Surprise, 2 Olympic games with a mustached plumber, pretending to be King Arthur, a number of animated series, and the most horrifying of them all: Sneaking into a Nintendo game along with Solid Snake.

But push all that aside, SEGA has created the most horrifying traversity ever. It's called Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1. A direct sequel to Sonic the Hedgehog 3 Episode 2(AKA Sonic and Knuckles), Sonic 4's first strike against it, is by having a better and more fluid animation than Sonic 3

*Trailer at the bottom of the post

The second strike, is that it is on WiiWare, X-Box Live Arcade, Playstation Network and the iPhone. The game should be on a system that is out of production, like the Philips CD-I. Ahh how it will be grand to hear Eggman say this

Eggman: Join me Sonic, and I will make you a face the greatest of South Island. Or else you will be robotized.

Ahh, nothing like Eggman pulling a Link: Faces of Evil. Next thing you'll know, he'll want to robotize Amy for bringing light into his chamber.

But the true fans have spoken. They have made their voice all while making fools out of themselves. Many facepalms cannot explain this epic-sized whine even Glenn Beck can't understand.

NO, I WAS EXPECTING SHORT, FAT SONIC WITH BLACK EYES.
Homing attack? WHY? This is supposed to be for the old fans, so why add all this new garbage.

If I wanted all that, heck I could just go play Sonic Rush.

Darn it.
Posted by Eugene on February 4th, 2010 at 1:26 am

Ya know, I always wondered why New Super Mario Bros threw in moves from Super Mario 64. Seems pretty retarded if you ask me, even if it gave the game more of an upgrade

NO.HOMING ATTACK IS THE WORST GAME MECHANIC EVER. IT MEANS ALL ENEMIES WILL BE INCREDIBLY EASY AND THE GAME WILL BE FILLED WITH GAPS YOU CROSS BY HOMING ATTACKING ENEMIES.

WHICH IS RETARDED.
Posted by King Scourge!!L1zu7Nr5D8/ on February 4th, 2010 at 1:31 am

Just like how Lock-on made 3D games easy.

HEY IDIOTS. AESTHTICS DO MATTER. GAME’S NOT FUN IF WHAT YPOU SEE ONT HE SCREEN IS SO UGLY YOU CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH.
Posted by King Scourge!!L1zu7Nr5D8/ on February 4th, 2010 at 1:39 am

He's right. I should have thrown out Mega Man 1-9 many years ago because Mega Man looked like my big-eyed and big-mouthed cousin.

SEGA……..

WHERE ARE THE FLICKIES???????
Posted by Hogther on February 4th, 2010 at 1:44 am

Big ate em. I had some with him. Tasted like chicken.

who the fuck cares what the kids want… THIS WAS MENT TO BE OUR GAME!!!!!!!!

Posted by oldschool sonic fan on February 4th, 2010 at 2:13 am

Yeah. Even if kids bought em since 1991. they don't have any rights to play this like they don't have any rights to have fun.

we want sonic 4. not sonic advanced 4

http://raverkidd.deviantart.com/art/in-space-152658278
Posted by oldschool sonic fan on February 4th, 2010 at 2:39 am

Unfortunately, we're getting Sonic 4 because it's not being made for the Game Boy Advance. CURSE YOU SEGA!*Shakes fist*

EVERY DOUCHEBAG THAT JUST WORRY BOUT EYES OR THE LEGS OR DA BODY SHUT DA F#$% UP COSE DERE R OTHR THINGS TO WORRY BOUT LIKE DA BOSSES ,LEVELS ,GAMEPLAY MECHANICS,ETC SO LIKE I SED BEFORE SHUT DA F#$% UP
Posted by BIGBDAMAN4EVER on February 4th, 2010 at 4:40 am

Hey you, you leave the teabagging Sonic fans alone.

SHUT UP YOU WHINING ASSHOLES! THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME! IF YOU WANT BLACK EYED FAT SONIC AND OLD GRAPHICS GO PLAY YOUR GENESIS FOR F·$·$% SAKES! THIS IS THE PERFECT COMBINATION! OLD SCHOOL GAMING PLUS NEW GRAPHICS! AWESOME SEGA!
Posted by Papayaman on February 4th, 2010 at 7:07 am

You don't tell me what to do young man. I'll wave my cane at you like an angry...person and all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqVeSnoWYFg

this video is true this game is a dissappointment fuck Sonic hes dead now all you lil kiddies can jack off to your new porkiman game ill stick with mario since nothing drastic changes and sticks to the consistency nicely thanks for the nice fail sega you offically killed the genesis era of sonic the hedgehog games R.I.P True Sonic the hedgehog 1991-1994
Posted by John on February 4th, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Of course the video is true. He studied under Glenn Beck's "Salty Tears 101" class.

And thus, the Sonic fandom goes into a fit of rage not seen since 2008. And ironically, you don't need a 3D Sonic game just to have the fanbase lose it over minor features that won't affect the gameplay. A small example of unpleasable fanbase.

In the meantime, enjoy the trailer and post a raged comment on why you think this makes Sonic Next-Gen look good.



Works Cited:
Sonic 4 Episode 1 announced
VGTribune: Fanboy Case Study: Unreasonable Sonic Fanboys
Destructoid's Sonic fanboy rant here