Folks, I'm tipping my hat to you guys. Not because you speak out like you mean it, but you speak out like a true patriot. Never have I felt so much gaming patriotism since the outrage of Final Fantasy XIII appearing on the 360 in addition to the PS3. And I still stand by it because...THE PS3 IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE BEST SYSTEM EVER AND ITS BEING OUTSOLD BY A 360, A WII, A DS AND AN IPHONE! A IPHONE?
Also, PS3 is the only system that can make good games, no matter if anyone says it's bullshit and that there were good games before the PS3. There was no such thing as the PS2. It was a myth created by Nintendo so they could get their hands on the market.
Over at Destructoid, they compiled a list of controversies that happened this year. Stuff that made Glenn Beck throw up in his mouth. In this order
1) Left 4 Dead 2: Folks, Left 4 Dead 2 shouldn't have existed because simply put, it was mearly the same game with a fresh coat of paint, just like how sequels and new IPs are merely fresh coats of paint over a previous game. But you guys decided to boycott it. Valve promised us DLC for the first game till the end of time. Of course they made their promises. But the problem is, a sequel means no need for the original game.
But Valve saw through us and pulled 2 traitorous leaders through to play the game and they enjoyed it. HOW DARE THEY ENJOY SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE BUT NEVER PLAYED! THIS IS A TOTAL INSULT! I'M YELLING LIKE A STUPID JACKASS HERE!
Unfortunately, the many boycotters caved in and bought the game after the movement was declared dead, revealing it as merely an ego burn. OH NO! NOT AN EGO BURN!
Let's move on to Destructoid's number 2
2) Killzone 2 Reviews: Reviewers, listen up and listen well. Playstation 3 games are to be treated like royalty, just like your cat Mittens, even if the game sucks in the end. When Killzone 2 for the PS3 was given an 8/10 by Total Videogames, fanboys threw a tea party and called the reviewer a fanboy and even threw in pathetic insults. Even Adam Sessler was not immune when he gave the game a 5/5. That provoked him into poking fun at the patriots.
Folks, you proved to be the Tea Party Patriots of Video Games, especially when you decided the game was not worth playing anymore. Just be glad they didn't look at Yahtzee's review of Killzone 2. But for now, numbah 3
3) Dante's Inferno's fake protest: If you're gonna protest over a game, make sure said company isn't paying you to do so. Also Sony, take note. Reviewers are suckers for $200 fat checks. Electronic Arts proved that by organizing a fake protest against its own game and paying off reviewers to give a game positive reviews. And ironically, it worked out.
Nuff said. Next one
4) Six Days in Fallujah and the outcry: I gotta hand it to Fox News and the mainstream media. They know how to stir up controversy over a game announced by Konami and developed by Atomic Games. When this game called Six Days in Fallujah was announced by these 2, they yelled out and caused Konami to cave it and Atomic to close its doors.
A sad time indeed. Just be glad Glenn Beck didn't talk about it. Number 5?
5) Destructoid's review of Assassin's Creed 2: When Jim Sterling of Destructoid gave Assassin's Creed 2 a 4.5/10(Which would make Sonic Next-Gen look decent), fanboys lost it all while other sites gave it 10s and 9s. One review didn't give it a good score? THE WHOLE WORLD'S GOING DOWN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! ABANDON SHIP! MAYDAY MAYDAY! And the game was selling more than Brutal Legends.
Jim Sterling, I'll accept your apologie, if you give the next PS3 game a 10/10 all while we clog our arteries on cholestrol-filled burritoes from Taco Bell.
6) GTA Full Monty: Censors must have been asleep on this one when GTA IV's The Lost and the Damned got gamers more than they bargained for with full frontal male nudity
*Image censored to protect your eyes*
Nasty isn't it? Rockstar sure knows how to draw a negative crowd.
7) PC Modern Warfare 2 has no dedicated servers: Activision shocked the world and the PC era may be crashing because when they announced that Modern Warfare 2 would be without dedicated servers, we all threw a fit over it. Not only that, but it was bug-ridden, glitched-filled mess that also had problems with ISPs.
There was going to be a boycott, but PC gamers turned out to be chicken and bought the game off of Steam. Furthermore, there are rumors that ID Software may follow in Activision's path using P2P servers. Is it any wonder why PC gaming is becoming more and more like Wii gaming? Made more for the casuals while we bark like a bunch of rabid dogs?
8) Bayonetta: Folks, SEGA and Platinum games betrayed the PS3 owners by making the 360 version of this game better. Why? Platinum games forced SEGA to develop the PS3 version on its own, then distance itself from the game. Sony intervened by helping SEGA with the development.
SEGA, what were you thinking by hiring former Clover of Capcom's Platinum? I don't care if they're a small development studio churning out original IPs. If they can't develop for the PS3, they don't deserve to exist and I'm excercising my right to be a retarded PS3 FANBOY! RAH RAH RAH RAH!
9) Modern Warfare 2's other controversial scene: Apparently, you can cause controversy on both sides of the gaming market. Activision snuck in a mission that was so vile, so repulsive, that it caused a shitstorm of epic proportions. That's right, a terrorist scene involving your character partaking in it in Modern Warfare 2. Did Activision do this just to get attention? Or did it take a jump into risky waters to see what works and what doesn't work? Ether way, it managed to swim out of the waters and survive unscathed.
Though personally, it would have died had I snuck in Fox News Piranhas into the risky waters.
Works Cited: Destructoid Article: 2009: A year in videogame controversy(Warning: NSFW)
If you wanna read up on fanboys, Destructoid has an article right here
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Legend of IGN: Tears of crybabies
You all read my post about Matt's rant against Nintendo. Boy they were tasty tears. Seems some more tasty tears have sprung up at Fox...err I mean IGN's recent Nintendo Podcast. Must be raining gatorade today. And apparently, they've gone nucking futs. Here are all the details courtesy of our works cited at Wordpress, with my commentary on why I agree on this
-Wii sucks because PS3/360 have achievements. Of course it does. Of course, certain Wii games have built-in achievements, but that doesn't count.
-Achievements are an innovation as big as motion controls. Achievements are a better innovation than motion controls. Indeed it does. It allows us to waste our time on something that's nearly impossible to get
-When you play Wii games, you do not feel any accomplishment. It's simply because you're not yelling at each other in an online match. I WANT THE RIGHT TO YELL LIKE A JACKASS!
-Mad World is awesome, it would have sold if it had achievements and social networking. Why not? It worked with Mirror's Edge
-Wants the Miis to copy Avatars in having clothes. And while we're at it, why not charge them money just to acquire said clothes
-Mentions Wii Sports Resort and other games by saying it has achievements in it. But says it doesn’t matter because the achievements do not go ‘beyond the game’. Becuase if it doesn't equal a measly score that's meant to show off, what's the use of Achievements?
-Mention people in the comments defending Nintendo. “Nintendo fanboys have brainwashed themselves.” IGN staff then mocks Nintendo fans by pretending to be brainwashed: “I don’t want achievements!” “I don’t want HD!” “I don’t want to just sit on the couch and just play!” “I don’t want to get up and wave my arms!” And I don't want to enjoy a game. I want to whine like a little pansy
-Quote: “Turning on my Wii is a very lonely experience” because Wii doesn’t have some Xbox Live system. Yeah. You need a credit card or debit card if you don't wanna be lonely
-”I don’t know anyone in the Bay area who doesn’t live with a room-mate.” (Not sure I want to interpret that…) It must be lonely in there
-Podcast then switches to talking about Cassamassina’s “Nintendo is lazy” column. For more reference, read my last post
-Talks about how Gamecube Nintendo used to push big huge games with cutting edge graphics. Exactly. Sad thing about this is that no one bought into em. I wonder why
-Says Nintendo stopped doing this because they couldn’t compete. (No mention of Blue Ocean Strategy.) And I blame this on the Playstation 2.
-”Wii has been phenomenally successful, but it is the first Nintendo console I do not want to play.” “A great example of this would be the new Super Mario Brothers for the Wii.” And yet I'm getting nightmares about how Nintendo is curb stomping the 360 and PS3 with their Wii. CURSE YOU NIGHTMARES!
-Mario 5 doesn’t set the world on fire in how it uses the Wii. It is just “Here’s the game!” Exactly. It's forcing us to enjoy the game without putting up a narrative.
-Call Mario 5 a DS port. “Nintendo just took everything that worked on the DS and just put it on the Wii.” I protest this. It should be an NES Port
-”That is how Nintendo has been so financially successful.” Ya know, that was a direct insult to Sony and Microsoft. Take that back IGN or I'll accuse you of being a pro-Nintendo Socialist.
-Says there was no money put into Mario 5. No money for Research and Development. Exactly. No money was put into that game, just like how Microsoft put no money into Halo 3: ODST, Activision put no money into Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and Warner Bros put no money into Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
-Wii is a Gamecube with a new peripheral. Just like how the 360 is the old X-Box with gimped Backwards compatibility and better graphics, and the PS3 is a PS2 with Blu-Ray, better graphics, and PS2 compatibility ripped out of its circuits
-Nintendo has given up the battle of the epic games to Microsoft and Sony. “Absolutely,” replies another. Because epic games require being a first or third person shooter
-Nintendo doesn’t care to enter the battle of Microsoft and Sony. “And I think it is hurting them in the long run.” Exactly. It's because the Gamecube tried that and they got butthurt. Get back in there or I'll make ya
-Nintendo needs to go after the hardcore. One person says their mom has a Wii and hasn’t bought a game for it. All while millions of 360 and PS3 owners buy the newest Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Who needs all those extra games?
-One person used his Mom’s Wii, puts in the new Mario game, declares the Wii controllers are all dead, then updates the Wii’s firmware. Then says he updates the firmware yet again. Wait, could you repeat that again when my 360's firmware is updated?
-Craig Harris: Mario Galaxy is epic because of its story (as well as its texture mapping and cutscenes). However, Galaxy isn’t as good as games on the HD Twins because games on the HD Twins have more epic stories. Because you can never make an epic story on the Playstation 2, Gamecube or X-Box. Nope, never gonna happen.
-Craig Harris isn’t happy how people accept what Nintendo is doing by not putting epic stories into their games. “Link doesn’t talk!” If anything, Link should be voiced by Jason Anthony Grif*Gets booed at* Okay I'll shut up on that.
-Craig Harris after demanding that Nintendo games have voice acting: “I really want to play games like Uncharted 2 on the Wii.” And while we're at it, hire Michael Bay to do the special effects.
-”Assassin’s Creed 2 feels like a Mature Zelda game.” Exactly. Okami didn't count and it never count. Why? Because nether Zelda nor Okami teaches you how to assassinate
-Craig Harris: “I know video games are in the money making business. But companies like Microsoft and Sony are doing certain things and if Nintendo is going to sit back and relax…” then Sony and Microsoft will end up sitting back and relaxing.
-”They’re betting that the casual market will be there forever.” It's not going to last forever this expanding market. It's not like it's been here since the NES era.
-Nintendo is doomed because Wii is going to become like the N64. Sony is going to sneak up through them. Exactly. It will sneak through the 360 and Wii. Just as soon as Sony drops it further, then watch as the Wii bypasses them again as the NPD said
-”Wii totally reminds me of how it is used in casual households is like the crappy systems you see in Walgreens when you are checking out. Plug and play guitars!” “It’s like a little gimmick when you want to do something with it.” Yeah. Like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Everyone wants it
-Keeps attacking the “casual audience”. Hands off my video game systems you leftist casuals.
-Likens the “casual players” to what caused the Atari crash in 1983 (not joking, they said it). Exactly. We should slam these guys for being casual all while we continue to buy the newest Madden and Call of Duty.
-Says Nintendo is where it is at the end of the latter SNES days where Nintendo is sitting comfortably and getting ready to make the N64. Says Nintendo will fall once Sony Wand and Microsoft Natal get released. Well I protest the Wand and Natal because it will fit Sony and Microsoft into Nintendo's shoes. DON'T DO THIS SONY AND MICROSOFT! DON'T GO AFTER THE CASUAL MARKET! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
-Mentions an email where it asks Cassamassina, “Why don’t you go after Nintendo for being lazy with Mario Galaxy? It is, after all, tons of recycled content with purple coins and all.” They say this doesn’t count since “all games have that.” Yeah. Every game requires you to find purple coins to unlock the green gloop.
-Start bashing Phantom Hourglass. Welcome to 2 years ago
-Says Wii is best when emulating the PC. “like games as World of Goo.” That reminds me, when are they gonna do World of Warcraft: Wii Edition?
-Says if you are a new consumer looking for motion control, you will be wowed by Natal and Wand. Get off my systems you liberal gamers*barks like a dog*
-Say they like Wand because they actually hold it. Yeah, you actually hold it just like you hold a Wiimote
-Others say they are skeptical of both Natal and Wand since they are copying what Nintendo is doing. They're not just copying what Nintendo is doing, they're also trying to get the Casual audience. KEEP THOSE CASUALS AWAY! THE POWER OF MASTER CHIEF COMPELS YOU!
-Another email says NSMB Wii is being knocked more than it should. Is annoyed people are bashing the side scroller. They disagree with the email and says Nintendo didn’t do anything with Mario 5 except putting out a red box. That's all they did. They didn't put in Koopalings with all new character models with slight redesigns.
-In a Japanese magazine, Miyamoto says he wanted the gameplay to be the same for all four characters in Mario 5. No. I wanted a gun-toting Hedgehog in New Super Mario Bros Wii...or at least a cursing squirrel.
-Reads an email who says that Mario 5 was scored too high by IGN and should be below an 8. Yeah. While we're at it, I think Super Mario Galaxy was rated too high. Score it around a 4.9 and you'll get my approval.
-Says Gamecube was a hardcore system (I thought it was a kiddy system?) Exactly. And the PS2 was a kiddie casual system. CURSE YOU PLAYSTATION 2
-Starts bashing Animal Crossing Wii and Wii Music. ME HATE ANIMAL CROSSING AND WII MUSIC! ME HATE PEOPLE LIKING IT! ME WANNA THROW FIT LIKE HULK! HULK NOT DO MATH! HULK SMASH!
-”What is the point of complaining?” says an email. “Because we got tons of comments and tons of traffic,” answers Harris. This is perhaps why this podcast is so intentionally bad. Inspired by Glenn Beck
-Bashes the Quarter 1 release schedule from Nintendo. All while Wii Fit continued to dominate in the NPD Software
-Talk about their favorite Wii games. Mention Mario Kart Wii and Boom Blox. No. You do NOT praise ANY WII games. That is unlawful IGN! BASH THEM AND BASH THEM GOOD YOU SON OF A SUBMARINERS!
-Doesn’t know why Excitebots isn’t selling. I'll tell you why. THAT GAME HAS NO GUNS! NO GUNS, NO BLOOD, NO SALE! You put guns in that game, and I'll make a deal
-Harris admits he thinks Mario 5 is one of the top games for the system (odd for bashing it so much earlier in this podcast) This is hypocritcism. You do NOT bash Mario 5, then go to praise it. Back to your bashing, NOW!
-One email asks if Blaster Master sells well on VC, will it get a sequel? (Doesn’t appear they answer this.) I got an answer. Does that game have realistic graphics? No? Tough noogies.
-Says no one will try a VC game they haven’t played. Because they're all too busy waiting for what they wanna play and that's it.
-Email complains about how Daemon’s WiiWare reviews all complain about leaderboards not being online. He's complaining that there aren't online leaderboards because that's a way to brag, all while some jackass takes your spot away and you respond by sending them a retarded message
-Tells developers, who might be listening, that it is 2010 that they should only put arcade games with online leaderboards. Creativity? Pssh. Who needs that? Just slap online leaderboards onto a game you already made, throw it onto WiiWare/XBLA/PSN/Steam and call it a day
-Email asks if Project Hammer being resurrected with Motion Plus. No answer, just hyena sounds as they laugh at their own jokes you can’t make out. *Throws rotten meat into the pack*
At first, when I read it, I was inspired. But as I went on, I saw them as the one thing that is killing the gaming industry....casuals. They're eating away at our playtime like how Termites eat at our house. Which is why I have a proposal to IGN. If you want a totally unbiased journalist at your helm to trash the Wii(And maybe everything else), I have just the man for the job.
That's right: Host of his own show on Fox News: Glenn Beck.
He'll teach gamers why the Wii, along with the rest of the gaming industry, is a leftist video game console that promotes Socialism, all while telling gamers that gold is a more worthy investment than video games.
IGN, do us all a favor and invite Glenn Beck. He'll do a better job than these has-beans in that recent sorry excuse for a podcast.
Works Cited: Malstrom’s Articles News
-Wii sucks because PS3/360 have achievements. Of course it does. Of course, certain Wii games have built-in achievements, but that doesn't count.
-Achievements are an innovation as big as motion controls. Achievements are a better innovation than motion controls. Indeed it does. It allows us to waste our time on something that's nearly impossible to get
-When you play Wii games, you do not feel any accomplishment. It's simply because you're not yelling at each other in an online match. I WANT THE RIGHT TO YELL LIKE A JACKASS!
-Mad World is awesome, it would have sold if it had achievements and social networking. Why not? It worked with Mirror's Edge
-Wants the Miis to copy Avatars in having clothes. And while we're at it, why not charge them money just to acquire said clothes
-Mentions Wii Sports Resort and other games by saying it has achievements in it. But says it doesn’t matter because the achievements do not go ‘beyond the game’. Becuase if it doesn't equal a measly score that's meant to show off, what's the use of Achievements?
-Mention people in the comments defending Nintendo. “Nintendo fanboys have brainwashed themselves.” IGN staff then mocks Nintendo fans by pretending to be brainwashed: “I don’t want achievements!” “I don’t want HD!” “I don’t want to just sit on the couch and just play!” “I don’t want to get up and wave my arms!” And I don't want to enjoy a game. I want to whine like a little pansy
-Quote: “Turning on my Wii is a very lonely experience” because Wii doesn’t have some Xbox Live system. Yeah. You need a credit card or debit card if you don't wanna be lonely
-”I don’t know anyone in the Bay area who doesn’t live with a room-mate.” (Not sure I want to interpret that…) It must be lonely in there
-Podcast then switches to talking about Cassamassina’s “Nintendo is lazy” column. For more reference, read my last post
-Talks about how Gamecube Nintendo used to push big huge games with cutting edge graphics. Exactly. Sad thing about this is that no one bought into em. I wonder why
-Says Nintendo stopped doing this because they couldn’t compete. (No mention of Blue Ocean Strategy.) And I blame this on the Playstation 2.
-”Wii has been phenomenally successful, but it is the first Nintendo console I do not want to play.” “A great example of this would be the new Super Mario Brothers for the Wii.” And yet I'm getting nightmares about how Nintendo is curb stomping the 360 and PS3 with their Wii. CURSE YOU NIGHTMARES!
-Mario 5 doesn’t set the world on fire in how it uses the Wii. It is just “Here’s the game!” Exactly. It's forcing us to enjoy the game without putting up a narrative.
-Call Mario 5 a DS port. “Nintendo just took everything that worked on the DS and just put it on the Wii.” I protest this. It should be an NES Port
-”That is how Nintendo has been so financially successful.” Ya know, that was a direct insult to Sony and Microsoft. Take that back IGN or I'll accuse you of being a pro-Nintendo Socialist.
-Says there was no money put into Mario 5. No money for Research and Development. Exactly. No money was put into that game, just like how Microsoft put no money into Halo 3: ODST, Activision put no money into Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and Warner Bros put no money into Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
-Wii is a Gamecube with a new peripheral. Just like how the 360 is the old X-Box with gimped Backwards compatibility and better graphics, and the PS3 is a PS2 with Blu-Ray, better graphics, and PS2 compatibility ripped out of its circuits
-Nintendo has given up the battle of the epic games to Microsoft and Sony. “Absolutely,” replies another. Because epic games require being a first or third person shooter
-Nintendo doesn’t care to enter the battle of Microsoft and Sony. “And I think it is hurting them in the long run.” Exactly. It's because the Gamecube tried that and they got butthurt. Get back in there or I'll make ya
-Nintendo needs to go after the hardcore. One person says their mom has a Wii and hasn’t bought a game for it. All while millions of 360 and PS3 owners buy the newest Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Who needs all those extra games?
-One person used his Mom’s Wii, puts in the new Mario game, declares the Wii controllers are all dead, then updates the Wii’s firmware. Then says he updates the firmware yet again. Wait, could you repeat that again when my 360's firmware is updated?
-Craig Harris: Mario Galaxy is epic because of its story (as well as its texture mapping and cutscenes). However, Galaxy isn’t as good as games on the HD Twins because games on the HD Twins have more epic stories. Because you can never make an epic story on the Playstation 2, Gamecube or X-Box. Nope, never gonna happen.
-Craig Harris isn’t happy how people accept what Nintendo is doing by not putting epic stories into their games. “Link doesn’t talk!” If anything, Link should be voiced by Jason Anthony Grif*Gets booed at* Okay I'll shut up on that.
-Craig Harris after demanding that Nintendo games have voice acting: “I really want to play games like Uncharted 2 on the Wii.” And while we're at it, hire Michael Bay to do the special effects.
-”Assassin’s Creed 2 feels like a Mature Zelda game.” Exactly. Okami didn't count and it never count. Why? Because nether Zelda nor Okami teaches you how to assassinate
-Craig Harris: “I know video games are in the money making business. But companies like Microsoft and Sony are doing certain things and if Nintendo is going to sit back and relax…” then Sony and Microsoft will end up sitting back and relaxing.
-”They’re betting that the casual market will be there forever.” It's not going to last forever this expanding market. It's not like it's been here since the NES era.
-Nintendo is doomed because Wii is going to become like the N64. Sony is going to sneak up through them. Exactly. It will sneak through the 360 and Wii. Just as soon as Sony drops it further, then watch as the Wii bypasses them again as the NPD said
-”Wii totally reminds me of how it is used in casual households is like the crappy systems you see in Walgreens when you are checking out. Plug and play guitars!” “It’s like a little gimmick when you want to do something with it.” Yeah. Like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Everyone wants it
-Keeps attacking the “casual audience”. Hands off my video game systems you leftist casuals.
-Likens the “casual players” to what caused the Atari crash in 1983 (not joking, they said it). Exactly. We should slam these guys for being casual all while we continue to buy the newest Madden and Call of Duty.
-Says Nintendo is where it is at the end of the latter SNES days where Nintendo is sitting comfortably and getting ready to make the N64. Says Nintendo will fall once Sony Wand and Microsoft Natal get released. Well I protest the Wand and Natal because it will fit Sony and Microsoft into Nintendo's shoes. DON'T DO THIS SONY AND MICROSOFT! DON'T GO AFTER THE CASUAL MARKET! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
-Mentions an email where it asks Cassamassina, “Why don’t you go after Nintendo for being lazy with Mario Galaxy? It is, after all, tons of recycled content with purple coins and all.” They say this doesn’t count since “all games have that.” Yeah. Every game requires you to find purple coins to unlock the green gloop.
-Start bashing Phantom Hourglass. Welcome to 2 years ago
-Says Wii is best when emulating the PC. “like games as World of Goo.” That reminds me, when are they gonna do World of Warcraft: Wii Edition?
-Says if you are a new consumer looking for motion control, you will be wowed by Natal and Wand. Get off my systems you liberal gamers*barks like a dog*
-Say they like Wand because they actually hold it. Yeah, you actually hold it just like you hold a Wiimote
-Others say they are skeptical of both Natal and Wand since they are copying what Nintendo is doing. They're not just copying what Nintendo is doing, they're also trying to get the Casual audience. KEEP THOSE CASUALS AWAY! THE POWER OF MASTER CHIEF COMPELS YOU!
-Another email says NSMB Wii is being knocked more than it should. Is annoyed people are bashing the side scroller. They disagree with the email and says Nintendo didn’t do anything with Mario 5 except putting out a red box. That's all they did. They didn't put in Koopalings with all new character models with slight redesigns.
-In a Japanese magazine, Miyamoto says he wanted the gameplay to be the same for all four characters in Mario 5. No. I wanted a gun-toting Hedgehog in New Super Mario Bros Wii...or at least a cursing squirrel.
-Reads an email who says that Mario 5 was scored too high by IGN and should be below an 8. Yeah. While we're at it, I think Super Mario Galaxy was rated too high. Score it around a 4.9 and you'll get my approval.
-Says Gamecube was a hardcore system (I thought it was a kiddy system?) Exactly. And the PS2 was a kiddie casual system. CURSE YOU PLAYSTATION 2
-Starts bashing Animal Crossing Wii and Wii Music. ME HATE ANIMAL CROSSING AND WII MUSIC! ME HATE PEOPLE LIKING IT! ME WANNA THROW FIT LIKE HULK! HULK NOT DO MATH! HULK SMASH!
-”What is the point of complaining?” says an email. “Because we got tons of comments and tons of traffic,” answers Harris. This is perhaps why this podcast is so intentionally bad. Inspired by Glenn Beck
-Bashes the Quarter 1 release schedule from Nintendo. All while Wii Fit continued to dominate in the NPD Software
-Talk about their favorite Wii games. Mention Mario Kart Wii and Boom Blox. No. You do NOT praise ANY WII games. That is unlawful IGN! BASH THEM AND BASH THEM GOOD YOU SON OF A SUBMARINERS!
-Doesn’t know why Excitebots isn’t selling. I'll tell you why. THAT GAME HAS NO GUNS! NO GUNS, NO BLOOD, NO SALE! You put guns in that game, and I'll make a deal
-Harris admits he thinks Mario 5 is one of the top games for the system (odd for bashing it so much earlier in this podcast) This is hypocritcism. You do NOT bash Mario 5, then go to praise it. Back to your bashing, NOW!
-One email asks if Blaster Master sells well on VC, will it get a sequel? (Doesn’t appear they answer this.) I got an answer. Does that game have realistic graphics? No? Tough noogies.
-Says no one will try a VC game they haven’t played. Because they're all too busy waiting for what they wanna play and that's it.
-Email complains about how Daemon’s WiiWare reviews all complain about leaderboards not being online. He's complaining that there aren't online leaderboards because that's a way to brag, all while some jackass takes your spot away and you respond by sending them a retarded message
-Tells developers, who might be listening, that it is 2010 that they should only put arcade games with online leaderboards. Creativity? Pssh. Who needs that? Just slap online leaderboards onto a game you already made, throw it onto WiiWare/XBLA/PSN/Steam and call it a day
-Email asks if Project Hammer being resurrected with Motion Plus. No answer, just hyena sounds as they laugh at their own jokes you can’t make out. *Throws rotten meat into the pack*
At first, when I read it, I was inspired. But as I went on, I saw them as the one thing that is killing the gaming industry....casuals. They're eating away at our playtime like how Termites eat at our house. Which is why I have a proposal to IGN. If you want a totally unbiased journalist at your helm to trash the Wii(And maybe everything else), I have just the man for the job.
That's right: Host of his own show on Fox News: Glenn Beck.
He'll teach gamers why the Wii, along with the rest of the gaming industry, is a leftist video game console that promotes Socialism, all while telling gamers that gold is a more worthy investment than video games.
IGN, do us all a favor and invite Glenn Beck. He'll do a better job than these has-beans in that recent sorry excuse for a podcast.
Works Cited: Malstrom’s Articles News
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Nintendo is lazy....and I approve
Folks, if there's one thing I pride myself when it comes to gaming companies, it's Laziness. In fact, this is the only time I wanna salute Nintendo, other than the other times I saluted Nintendo, though that's off the top of my head. Of course, Matt Casamassina of IGN managed to point this out and I gotta agree with them.
With all due respect to Miyamoto, a proven gaming genius and innovator, that's just lazy. Either that, or Nintendo has gone off the deep end in its dogged pursuit of the business bottom line. This is not a two-man garage developer which works on games after its kids go to bed. It's a multi-billion dollar corporation with thousands of employees, many of whom have helped shape the very industry as we know it. A cash behemoth with unrivaled game-making experience. That it might even ponder recycling a character for one its most beloved and lucrative franchises so that it might save time, money, or whatever, seems ludicrous. That it actually did so is unbelievable.
Exactly. Little effort means a lot of green nowadays. It worked with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 when they ditched Dedicated Servers and had a single player shorter than New Super Mario Bros Wii all to focus on Multiplayer. Isn't that what shooters are all about, Mr Casamassina? It's all about playing your friends online and cursing at them like drunken sailors, only to de-friend them when they pull a cheap shot at ya. I mean, it's not like millions of gamers ignored the Gamecube's hardcore titles and left the Gamecube in the dust. I mean that forced Nintendo into playing this hand.
But Mr Casamassina, what I heard just shocked me.
We all praise Nintendo for returning gameplay and not graphical pop to the forefront. Since their conception, games have been designed to be fun first and everything else second. Nintendo seems to realize that more than any other developer in the world, which is why some of its presentational shortcomings are usually overshadowed by welcomed over-compensations in control and design. But make no mistake: Wii Sports is also the product of Nintendo's bottom line and, yes, even laziness to some degree. The developer could have achieved a simple, accessible visual style with lots of added detail and effects, but it chose not to. Wii Sports dons a crisp, clean look, but is otherwise decidedly generic, static, and frankly, archaic. Nintendo spent less time, energy and money on the graphics because it had a winning hook to fall back on, which was of course the new motion controls. Why, though, should innovation come at the expense of presentation? Because it's easier and cheaper.
Mr Casamassina, haven't you learned the truth about laziness? You don't need innovation to be easier and cheaper. You can copy off recent fads just to be easier and cheaper. EA copied off of the Grand Theft Auto fad with the Godfather, by using an actual movie license. Killzone 1 and 2 are supposed Halo killers. Unreal Tournament came off of the popularity of Quake III Arena. There are tons of shooters on the X-Box 360 due to the popularity of Halo(Yes, I'm referencing Halo again). There are MMOs that want to be like World of Warcraft. In fact, the gaming industry wants to outperform Hollywood itself and make it look outdated. How's that for laziness?
And another thing, Mario Galaxy and Zelda: Twilight Princess were just mere updates of the previous game. But then again, everyone does it even with new IPs.
Works Cited: IGN Article: Nintendo is Lazy and You Don't Care
With all due respect to Miyamoto, a proven gaming genius and innovator, that's just lazy. Either that, or Nintendo has gone off the deep end in its dogged pursuit of the business bottom line. This is not a two-man garage developer which works on games after its kids go to bed. It's a multi-billion dollar corporation with thousands of employees, many of whom have helped shape the very industry as we know it. A cash behemoth with unrivaled game-making experience. That it might even ponder recycling a character for one its most beloved and lucrative franchises so that it might save time, money, or whatever, seems ludicrous. That it actually did so is unbelievable.
Exactly. Little effort means a lot of green nowadays. It worked with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 when they ditched Dedicated Servers and had a single player shorter than New Super Mario Bros Wii all to focus on Multiplayer. Isn't that what shooters are all about, Mr Casamassina? It's all about playing your friends online and cursing at them like drunken sailors, only to de-friend them when they pull a cheap shot at ya. I mean, it's not like millions of gamers ignored the Gamecube's hardcore titles and left the Gamecube in the dust. I mean that forced Nintendo into playing this hand.
But Mr Casamassina, what I heard just shocked me.
We all praise Nintendo for returning gameplay and not graphical pop to the forefront. Since their conception, games have been designed to be fun first and everything else second. Nintendo seems to realize that more than any other developer in the world, which is why some of its presentational shortcomings are usually overshadowed by welcomed over-compensations in control and design. But make no mistake: Wii Sports is also the product of Nintendo's bottom line and, yes, even laziness to some degree. The developer could have achieved a simple, accessible visual style with lots of added detail and effects, but it chose not to. Wii Sports dons a crisp, clean look, but is otherwise decidedly generic, static, and frankly, archaic. Nintendo spent less time, energy and money on the graphics because it had a winning hook to fall back on, which was of course the new motion controls. Why, though, should innovation come at the expense of presentation? Because it's easier and cheaper.
Mr Casamassina, haven't you learned the truth about laziness? You don't need innovation to be easier and cheaper. You can copy off recent fads just to be easier and cheaper. EA copied off of the Grand Theft Auto fad with the Godfather, by using an actual movie license. Killzone 1 and 2 are supposed Halo killers. Unreal Tournament came off of the popularity of Quake III Arena. There are tons of shooters on the X-Box 360 due to the popularity of Halo(Yes, I'm referencing Halo again). There are MMOs that want to be like World of Warcraft. In fact, the gaming industry wants to outperform Hollywood itself and make it look outdated. How's that for laziness?
And another thing, Mario Galaxy and Zelda: Twilight Princess were just mere updates of the previous game. But then again, everyone does it even with new IPs.
Works Cited: IGN Article: Nintendo is Lazy and You Don't Care
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Remember folks: Mega Man 10 does not equal Mega Man X
In a shocking announcement by Nintendo Power, Capcom has announced Mega Man 10. That's right, we're going into our 10th Mega Man game ever, and that's not counting the Game Boy Mega Mans, the spin-offs, or even the animated series.
So what's new other than the usual "Blow your way through 8 bosses such as Sheep Man?" And I'm not kidding on the Sheep Man subject. Next thing you'll know, they'll create a Pitbull Woman. Well believe it or not, this will be the first Mega Man game since Mega Man and Bass for the Super Famicom and Game Boy Advance to feature more than just one playable right from the start. That's right, Mega Man will be joined by his brother Proto Man(AKA Break Man) and a 3rd unknown playable. Me know who it gonna be.
Yeah, that's right. Bass. Come on Capcom. Spill it so I can play as Dr Wily's favorite Robot.
As for the story and graphics, the graphics will remain 8-bit. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Graphics in games like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed, Uncharted 2, and Risk are boring. This is a real man's graphics. And the story involves Mega Man and his crew finding a cure for Robotenza. In other words: Circuit Flu. I think we all know who we should blame for this one
We all know it's Dr Wily. I mean, he actually framed Dr Light for a robot rebellion in the last game and taking the last Twinkie. CURSE YOU WILY FOR TAKING MY TWINKIE(Shakes fist)
As of now, Mega Man 10 is announced for WiiWare, but do expect it to come to XBLA and PSN.
Works cited: Nintendo Power scans at Destructoid
So what's new other than the usual "Blow your way through 8 bosses such as Sheep Man?" And I'm not kidding on the Sheep Man subject. Next thing you'll know, they'll create a Pitbull Woman. Well believe it or not, this will be the first Mega Man game since Mega Man and Bass for the Super Famicom and Game Boy Advance to feature more than just one playable right from the start. That's right, Mega Man will be joined by his brother Proto Man(AKA Break Man) and a 3rd unknown playable. Me know who it gonna be.
Yeah, that's right. Bass. Come on Capcom. Spill it so I can play as Dr Wily's favorite Robot.
As for the story and graphics, the graphics will remain 8-bit. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Graphics in games like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed, Uncharted 2, and Risk are boring. This is a real man's graphics. And the story involves Mega Man and his crew finding a cure for Robotenza. In other words: Circuit Flu. I think we all know who we should blame for this one
We all know it's Dr Wily. I mean, he actually framed Dr Light for a robot rebellion in the last game and taking the last Twinkie. CURSE YOU WILY FOR TAKING MY TWINKIE(Shakes fist)
As of now, Mega Man 10 is announced for WiiWare, but do expect it to come to XBLA and PSN.
Works cited: Nintendo Power scans at Destructoid
Friday, December 4, 2009
A piece of the shovelware pie.
Folks, the reason why I'm upset with Nintendo isn't because they are taking away real games from Sony and Microsoft. Oh no. My real beef with Nintendo is this.
THEY ARE HOARDING ALL THE SHOVELWARE TO THEMSELVES
And they won't let Sony and Microsoft have any. Shame on you Nintendo. Every system has a right to have their own amount of Shovelware. But thankfully, a review by IGN over the game Rogue Warrior actually made me smile. Finally, a real shovelware game for a real system.
We play a lot of games here at IGN, and while not every single game can be an Editor's Choice Award Winner, most of them have merit of some kind. Then there are those games that are completely bankrupt of any value whatsoever – games that not only make you want a refund of your money but of the time you wasted playing the game. The latest digital blight to meet this definition is the recently released Rogue Warrior from Rebellion and Bethesda, a game whose vast technical issues are only overwhelmed by the brevity of the experience. Simply put -- players should stay far away from this title at all costs.
The actual keys needed to make a Shovelware game. Finally, the only way to take out the Wii is simply put, to have more shovelware games than the Wii. Sony, Microsoft, you keep this pace up if you want to stomp the Wii out of commission. In fact, here are some advice to get more shovelware onto the 360 and PS3
1) Have a stupid plot: Stupid plots are always the key to making shovelware. You don't even need a plot to make shovelware. The dumber the better. A word of warning: Making a shovelware game with a stupid plot can backfire if said game turns out to be good in the end.
2) Crazy Physics, lots of it: Low jumping, even by a double jump, slow movement, clipping, dying in the air and staying in the air, mess up the gravity and make sure your jumps don't make it. Those are the tools needed to make a proper shovelware game
3) Stupid AI: When they all rush you like zergs at a Terran Base, or if they're too stupid to notice you, then you got it right. Also, have a hit detection that is mostly based on luck if you want to win in the Shovelware department.
4) Bad graphics and sound: Abysmal character animations, bad texturing, clipping, screen tearing, slowdown, low Frames Per Second. If your game does not have that, then you fail at the art of Shovelware. As for sound, have really cheesy voice acting, and for music, ether make a music that makes your ears bleed, or just take a low frequency screech and loop that.
5) Pile on the Glitches: If you really want to embrace Shovelware, you gotta add glitches and lots of em. Make em so they annoy everyone, especially the Angry Video Game Nerd. And ixnay on the beta testing for glitches. Just test to see if the game works and if it does, you done it.
If you follow my advice, you can come up with the worst shovelware ever. And this kind of shovelware is necessary if Sony and Microsoft wants to ever crush the Wii and send it spiraling into 3rd place.
I think the time has come to announce: SONY AND MICROSOFT'S SHOVELWARE JIHAD AGAINST NINTENDO! COME JOIN THE FIGHT IN MAKING SURE REAL SHOVELWARE IS ON A REAL SYSTEM!
Works Cited IGN Rogue Warrior review: 1.5/10
THEY ARE HOARDING ALL THE SHOVELWARE TO THEMSELVES
And they won't let Sony and Microsoft have any. Shame on you Nintendo. Every system has a right to have their own amount of Shovelware. But thankfully, a review by IGN over the game Rogue Warrior actually made me smile. Finally, a real shovelware game for a real system.
We play a lot of games here at IGN, and while not every single game can be an Editor's Choice Award Winner, most of them have merit of some kind. Then there are those games that are completely bankrupt of any value whatsoever – games that not only make you want a refund of your money but of the time you wasted playing the game. The latest digital blight to meet this definition is the recently released Rogue Warrior from Rebellion and Bethesda, a game whose vast technical issues are only overwhelmed by the brevity of the experience. Simply put -- players should stay far away from this title at all costs.
The actual keys needed to make a Shovelware game. Finally, the only way to take out the Wii is simply put, to have more shovelware games than the Wii. Sony, Microsoft, you keep this pace up if you want to stomp the Wii out of commission. In fact, here are some advice to get more shovelware onto the 360 and PS3
1) Have a stupid plot: Stupid plots are always the key to making shovelware. You don't even need a plot to make shovelware. The dumber the better. A word of warning: Making a shovelware game with a stupid plot can backfire if said game turns out to be good in the end.
2) Crazy Physics, lots of it: Low jumping, even by a double jump, slow movement, clipping, dying in the air and staying in the air, mess up the gravity and make sure your jumps don't make it. Those are the tools needed to make a proper shovelware game
3) Stupid AI: When they all rush you like zergs at a Terran Base, or if they're too stupid to notice you, then you got it right. Also, have a hit detection that is mostly based on luck if you want to win in the Shovelware department.
4) Bad graphics and sound: Abysmal character animations, bad texturing, clipping, screen tearing, slowdown, low Frames Per Second. If your game does not have that, then you fail at the art of Shovelware. As for sound, have really cheesy voice acting, and for music, ether make a music that makes your ears bleed, or just take a low frequency screech and loop that.
5) Pile on the Glitches: If you really want to embrace Shovelware, you gotta add glitches and lots of em. Make em so they annoy everyone, especially the Angry Video Game Nerd. And ixnay on the beta testing for glitches. Just test to see if the game works and if it does, you done it.
If you follow my advice, you can come up with the worst shovelware ever. And this kind of shovelware is necessary if Sony and Microsoft wants to ever crush the Wii and send it spiraling into 3rd place.
I think the time has come to announce: SONY AND MICROSOFT'S SHOVELWARE JIHAD AGAINST NINTENDO! COME JOIN THE FIGHT IN MAKING SURE REAL SHOVELWARE IS ON A REAL SYSTEM!
Works Cited IGN Rogue Warrior review: 1.5/10
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Double Trouble: Erik Estavillo strikes again
IF you all know who Erik Estavillo is, then you're ready for this article. If not, read up on the following articles for more information on this guy at the bottom of the page. Because tonight's Double Trouble, focuses on Estavillo.
First off, Erik Estavillo has now named former head of Microsoft, Bill Gates, in a subpoena. His demand is for Bill Gates to bring actual documents on 360s that have been RRODed and 360s that have been fixed. He also wants data on the number of 360 owners that have been banned from X-Box Live for piracy.
That last demand isn't going to go well when it reveals that only a small number were banned for piracy compared to the number banned for acting like a douchebag.
As if that wasn't enough, he is now naming rappers in the subpoena: Louise Amanda Harman(Lady Sovereign) and Anthony Henderson(Krayzie Bone) of the group: Bones, Thugs and Harmony. The reason why they were subpoenaed was this.
Estavillo desires to, “highlight how rappers are not censored/banned/or punished for ‘cussing/trash talking’ on private property i.e. clubs, concerts, music channels/events or award ceremonies.”
All these lawsuits and subpoenas. It's a good thing he didn't subpoena Michael Richards.
If you want information on Erik Estavillo's lawsuit, you can go over to the Joystiq link. As for why he's decided to subpoena these guys?
Medical professionals cost money I believe. If you subpoena them and want their expert advice they're gonna charge you, which I can't afford. I can't afford expert witness. Also, expert witnesses like Winona Ryder on Catcher in the Rye – I didn't get like a professor of literature which I guess I could have. I chose Wynona Ryder and Martin Gore, one part is because what I say about them is ... Martin Gore through his lyrics you can tell he's sad, lonely, alienated. And on another website, someone asked Martin Gore what his songs mean to his fans and he said, "well, they appeal to the most dysfunctional people." That's what Martin Gore said himself. So, I know he's sad lonely and alienated just through the songs he writes, so that's why I subpoenaed him.
Let's just hope they're not gonna charge him for these subpoenas. Otherwise, he's in big trouble. And that does it for Double Trouble: Erik Estavillo edition. Bet you can't say that three times fast.
Previous Game Reporter Articles on Erik Estavillo: Article 1
Article 2
Work Cited: Game Politics Article 1
Game Politics Article 2
More information at Joystiq
First off, Erik Estavillo has now named former head of Microsoft, Bill Gates, in a subpoena. His demand is for Bill Gates to bring actual documents on 360s that have been RRODed and 360s that have been fixed. He also wants data on the number of 360 owners that have been banned from X-Box Live for piracy.
That last demand isn't going to go well when it reveals that only a small number were banned for piracy compared to the number banned for acting like a douchebag.
As if that wasn't enough, he is now naming rappers in the subpoena: Louise Amanda Harman(Lady Sovereign) and Anthony Henderson(Krayzie Bone) of the group: Bones, Thugs and Harmony. The reason why they were subpoenaed was this.
Estavillo desires to, “highlight how rappers are not censored/banned/or punished for ‘cussing/trash talking’ on private property i.e. clubs, concerts, music channels/events or award ceremonies.”
All these lawsuits and subpoenas. It's a good thing he didn't subpoena Michael Richards.
If you want information on Erik Estavillo's lawsuit, you can go over to the Joystiq link. As for why he's decided to subpoena these guys?
Medical professionals cost money I believe. If you subpoena them and want their expert advice they're gonna charge you, which I can't afford. I can't afford expert witness. Also, expert witnesses like Winona Ryder on Catcher in the Rye – I didn't get like a professor of literature which I guess I could have. I chose Wynona Ryder and Martin Gore, one part is because what I say about them is ... Martin Gore through his lyrics you can tell he's sad, lonely, alienated. And on another website, someone asked Martin Gore what his songs mean to his fans and he said, "well, they appeal to the most dysfunctional people." That's what Martin Gore said himself. So, I know he's sad lonely and alienated just through the songs he writes, so that's why I subpoenaed him.
Let's just hope they're not gonna charge him for these subpoenas. Otherwise, he's in big trouble. And that does it for Double Trouble: Erik Estavillo edition. Bet you can't say that three times fast.
Previous Game Reporter Articles on Erik Estavillo: Article 1
Article 2
Work Cited: Game Politics Article 1
Game Politics Article 2
More information at Joystiq
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