Sunday, December 27, 2009

2009. The year, the controversies, the pride

Folks, I'm tipping my hat to you guys. Not because you speak out like you mean it, but you speak out like a true patriot. Never have I felt so much gaming patriotism since the outrage of Final Fantasy XIII appearing on the 360 in addition to the PS3. And I still stand by it because...THE PS3 IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE BEST SYSTEM EVER AND ITS BEING OUTSOLD BY A 360, A WII, A DS AND AN IPHONE! A IPHONE?

Also, PS3 is the only system that can make good games, no matter if anyone says it's bullshit and that there were good games before the PS3. There was no such thing as the PS2. It was a myth created by Nintendo so they could get their hands on the market.

Over at Destructoid, they compiled a list of controversies that happened this year. Stuff that made Glenn Beck throw up in his mouth. In this order

1) Left 4 Dead 2: Folks, Left 4 Dead 2 shouldn't have existed because simply put, it was mearly the same game with a fresh coat of paint, just like how sequels and new IPs are merely fresh coats of paint over a previous game. But you guys decided to boycott it. Valve promised us DLC for the first game till the end of time. Of course they made their promises. But the problem is, a sequel means no need for the original game.

But Valve saw through us and pulled 2 traitorous leaders through to play the game and they enjoyed it. HOW DARE THEY ENJOY SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE BUT NEVER PLAYED! THIS IS A TOTAL INSULT! I'M YELLING LIKE A STUPID JACKASS HERE!

Unfortunately, the many boycotters caved in and bought the game after the movement was declared dead, revealing it as merely an ego burn. OH NO! NOT AN EGO BURN!

Let's move on to Destructoid's number 2

2) Killzone 2 Reviews: Reviewers, listen up and listen well. Playstation 3 games are to be treated like royalty, just like your cat Mittens, even if the game sucks in the end. When Killzone 2 for the PS3 was given an 8/10 by Total Videogames, fanboys threw a tea party and called the reviewer a fanboy and even threw in pathetic insults. Even Adam Sessler was not immune when he gave the game a 5/5. That provoked him into poking fun at the patriots.

Folks, you proved to be the Tea Party Patriots of Video Games, especially when you decided the game was not worth playing anymore. Just be glad they didn't look at Yahtzee's review of Killzone 2. But for now, numbah 3

3) Dante's Inferno's fake protest: If you're gonna protest over a game, make sure said company isn't paying you to do so. Also Sony, take note. Reviewers are suckers for $200 fat checks. Electronic Arts proved that by organizing a fake protest against its own game and paying off reviewers to give a game positive reviews. And ironically, it worked out.

Nuff said. Next one

4) Six Days in Fallujah and the outcry: I gotta hand it to Fox News and the mainstream media. They know how to stir up controversy over a game announced by Konami and developed by Atomic Games. When this game called Six Days in Fallujah was announced by these 2, they yelled out and caused Konami to cave it and Atomic to close its doors.

A sad time indeed. Just be glad Glenn Beck didn't talk about it. Number 5?

5) Destructoid's review of Assassin's Creed 2: When Jim Sterling of Destructoid gave Assassin's Creed 2 a 4.5/10(Which would make Sonic Next-Gen look decent), fanboys lost it all while other sites gave it 10s and 9s. One review didn't give it a good score? THE WHOLE WORLD'S GOING DOWN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! ABANDON SHIP! MAYDAY MAYDAY! And the game was selling more than Brutal Legends.

Jim Sterling, I'll accept your apologie, if you give the next PS3 game a 10/10 all while we clog our arteries on cholestrol-filled burritoes from Taco Bell.

6) GTA Full Monty: Censors must have been asleep on this one when GTA IV's The Lost and the Damned got gamers more than they bargained for with full frontal male nudity

*Image censored to protect your eyes*

Nasty isn't it? Rockstar sure knows how to draw a negative crowd.

7) PC Modern Warfare 2 has no dedicated servers: Activision shocked the world and the PC era may be crashing because when they announced that Modern Warfare 2 would be without dedicated servers, we all threw a fit over it. Not only that, but it was bug-ridden, glitched-filled mess that also had problems with ISPs.

There was going to be a boycott, but PC gamers turned out to be chicken and bought the game off of Steam. Furthermore, there are rumors that ID Software may follow in Activision's path using P2P servers. Is it any wonder why PC gaming is becoming more and more like Wii gaming? Made more for the casuals while we bark like a bunch of rabid dogs?

8) Bayonetta: Folks, SEGA and Platinum games betrayed the PS3 owners by making the 360 version of this game better. Why? Platinum games forced SEGA to develop the PS3 version on its own, then distance itself from the game. Sony intervened by helping SEGA with the development.

SEGA, what were you thinking by hiring former Clover of Capcom's Platinum? I don't care if they're a small development studio churning out original IPs. If they can't develop for the PS3, they don't deserve to exist and I'm excercising my right to be a retarded PS3 FANBOY! RAH RAH RAH RAH!

9) Modern Warfare 2's other controversial scene: Apparently, you can cause controversy on both sides of the gaming market. Activision snuck in a mission that was so vile, so repulsive, that it caused a shitstorm of epic proportions. That's right, a terrorist scene involving your character partaking in it in Modern Warfare 2. Did Activision do this just to get attention? Or did it take a jump into risky waters to see what works and what doesn't work? Ether way, it managed to swim out of the waters and survive unscathed.

Though personally, it would have died had I snuck in Fox News Piranhas into the risky waters.

Works Cited: Destructoid Article: 2009: A year in videogame controversy(Warning: NSFW)
If you wanna read up on fanboys, Destructoid has an article right here

No comments:

Post a Comment