A piece of the shovelware pie.

Folks, the reason why I'm upset with Nintendo isn't because they are taking away real games from Sony and Microsoft. Oh no. My real beef with Nintendo is this.

THEY ARE HOARDING ALL THE SHOVELWARE TO THEMSELVES

And they won't let Sony and Microsoft have any. Shame on you Nintendo. Every system has a right to have their own amount of Shovelware. But thankfully, a review by IGN over the game Rogue Warrior actually made me smile. Finally, a real shovelware game for a real system.

We play a lot of games here at IGN, and while not every single game can be an Editor's Choice Award Winner, most of them have merit of some kind. Then there are those games that are completely bankrupt of any value whatsoever – games that not only make you want a refund of your money but of the time you wasted playing the game. The latest digital blight to meet this definition is the recently released Rogue Warrior from Rebellion and Bethesda, a game whose vast technical issues are only overwhelmed by the brevity of the experience. Simply put -- players should stay far away from this title at all costs.

The actual keys needed to make a Shovelware game. Finally, the only way to take out the Wii is simply put, to have more shovelware games than the Wii. Sony, Microsoft, you keep this pace up if you want to stomp the Wii out of commission. In fact, here are some advice to get more shovelware onto the 360 and PS3

1) Have a stupid plot: Stupid plots are always the key to making shovelware. You don't even need a plot to make shovelware. The dumber the better. A word of warning: Making a shovelware game with a stupid plot can backfire if said game turns out to be good in the end.

2) Crazy Physics, lots of it: Low jumping, even by a double jump, slow movement, clipping, dying in the air and staying in the air, mess up the gravity and make sure your jumps don't make it. Those are the tools needed to make a proper shovelware game

3) Stupid AI: When they all rush you like zergs at a Terran Base, or if they're too stupid to notice you, then you got it right. Also, have a hit detection that is mostly based on luck if you want to win in the Shovelware department.

4) Bad graphics and sound: Abysmal character animations, bad texturing, clipping, screen tearing, slowdown, low Frames Per Second. If your game does not have that, then you fail at the art of Shovelware. As for sound, have really cheesy voice acting, and for music, ether make a music that makes your ears bleed, or just take a low frequency screech and loop that.

5) Pile on the Glitches: If you really want to embrace Shovelware, you gotta add glitches and lots of em. Make em so they annoy everyone, especially the Angry Video Game Nerd. And ixnay on the beta testing for glitches. Just test to see if the game works and if it does, you done it.

If you follow my advice, you can come up with the worst shovelware ever. And this kind of shovelware is necessary if Sony and Microsoft wants to ever crush the Wii and send it spiraling into 3rd place.

I think the time has come to announce: SONY AND MICROSOFT'S SHOVELWARE JIHAD AGAINST NINTENDO! COME JOIN THE FIGHT IN MAKING SURE REAL SHOVELWARE IS ON A REAL SYSTEM!

Works Cited IGN Rogue Warrior review: 1.5/10